Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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