um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
