frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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