letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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