i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
