they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
