Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
