I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
