Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
