u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
