I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
