My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We smell like vodka and hangover
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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