so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ttyl tear gas
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
