Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
