I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
