Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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