Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
