I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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