____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
