I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
