Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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