But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize