Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
