Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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