I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
