to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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