True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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