4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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