I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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