being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
