Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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