is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
