The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize