im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
