mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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