saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
