At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
