just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize