u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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