I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize