He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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