So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
