I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
