Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
