There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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