I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
