I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
