oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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