I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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