I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you would pick up someone in the library
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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