i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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