she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
