I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
