He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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