Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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