My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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