I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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