Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
