just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
