I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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