dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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