I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
