I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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