Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
