My room smells like vodka and shame
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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