You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
