You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
