can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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