You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
