she was so not down for the gang bang
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
