Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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