i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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