I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
