my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
