Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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